Mind Your Own Business

[damselindistress]

This upsets me a lot.

Me and my fiance are in our 20's. Obviously since he's my fiance, he and I are engaged. We've been dating 3 and a half years in total, so we love each other and really know one another.

I also want to clear up that I didn't force him to marry me. I want him to live in the same area as me and/or live with me because I'm tired of living 2,000 miles away from him, but I told him that that didn't mean he had to marry me or anything. I just wanted him to be with me in person finally after all this time. He was the one who asked me to marry him and it took me totally by surprise. He said I looked like I was going to vomit and/or faint when he asked me. I couldn't speak for about five minutes and when I finally could I say,"You're joking right?" XD LOL. I was just so shocked.

Anyway, the weird thing is, even though I'm not making him marry me, he has more doubts about our relationship than I do. He worries because he's in his 20's still that he's going to miss out on some of life by having a family, but I've told him a ton of times that I will support him no matter what he wants to do with his life and I'm into all the same hobbies he is, so I'm not going to take those away from him, so he shouldn't be worried.

Regardless, people like to lecture him regularly about how he's ruining his life by marrying me. Not because I'm a bad match for him, but because he's still "young." He got a lecture recently by someone who was a role model to him and it really destroyed him inside. It pisses me off because I was supposed to spend that night with him and he said to me,"I'm going to hang out with Mike instead, today, okay?" And I said sure. I was fine giving up time with him so he could be with someone he respected and YET he spent the whole time he was hanging out with my fiance telling him how he shouldn't BE WITH ME. He's "too young" to be in a serious relationship and blah, blah, blah. It made me very angry that someone would take time away that I could have with my fiance and spend it telling him that he should break-up with me and call off his engagement. It especially pisses me off because I like to talk to all his friends and become friends with them and now he's completely destroyed that. If I tell my fiance to stop speaking to him (although I think he should now since he's determined to destroy our relationship) then I will seem like the "bad guy" for controlling his life and the last thing I want to do is control his life, so I have said nothing about it even though he's been freaking out constantly since then about our relationship.

It just makes me really mad that people try to ruin the good thing I have with him constantly. =/ I never tell him to stop talking to his family or friends and yet they don't return the favor. Why? A lot of the people who say those things to him don't even know me and I don't understand why they want to hurt me that way.

Besides . . . . .

I thought this society was about fighting for people to have the right to get married if they were in love. I mean, we say that all the time about homosexuals right. They are in love, so why shouldn't they allowed to be married.

So, just because I don't fit the exact age (yes, there's a stupid exact age, if you're not it, then people will say you are too old or too young) doesn't mean anything does it? We're in love. We're not teenagers. We know what we are doing and I hate that everyone is against it. It's NONE of their business.

[Eilidh]

*hugs* It wont help much, but I think it's awesome that you've found someone you love that much, you're both very lucky, and these idiots who can't appreciate that need to go find themselves a hole to stick their head in. You have every right to get married, and twenty isn't that young really. Why put off something wonderful?

[MJ]

Maybe you should sit down and talk with him about it. To stop his worries this is in base what I would recommend saying.

* Getting married doesn't mean the whole package right away. You are engaged, not married. Engagements can last for as long as you want - maybe suggest a promise ring and not an engagement.

*Marriage doesn't equate kids, job, house. Until that appeals to you it's like living with the person you love and still being able to do whatever the hell you want. Go on holidays, travel the world, finish education, whatever.

*You aren't settling down just because you are considering marriage. In fact marriage is probably a way way off. Living together just means you are able to spend more time in each others company without the whole traveling to each other shizz.

*The proposal of marriage doesn't mean the end of life as he knows it. You're willing to wait and aren't going to push him into anything he isn't sure about.

And I know you don't want to make him feel enclosed but the whole point of a relationship is trust and commitment and being able to talk to each other without inhibitions. You need to tell him that you're happy for him to hang out with whom ever he wants, but letting his friends try to talk him out of being with you hurts.

[shadowslayer]

That is a story, what you should do is ignore the people who are telling him he's ruined his life by getting married and ask him if this is what he wants.