Default emotion of pure nothing

[Anonymous]

I guess this is the best board for this particular problem.
Please forgive my rambling, but this could be quite a lengthy post.

I was on another forum and I came across a post which highlighted an issue I've been thinking about a lot. At some points in my life it has bothered me, but at others I have been perfectly happy with how I am... only to have that image destroyed by a sudden change that I know will disappear soon enough.

People experience mood swings, I know this. But it is also what makes my problem seem frustrating. This is because my default mood seems to be set to neutral. I don't feel anything at all during these times, and it takes something hugely emotional to drag me out of this state. Sometimes something small will do the trick, but that emotion will soon vanish. And I can't turn off this state consciously.

From this point one of three things usually happen.

In situation number one I fall into an increasingly bad depression, and dragging myself out of it seems almost impossible. I have always refused to see a doctor about these increasingly lengthy fits because I don't believe in taking drugs.

In situation number two I become hyper emotional. Usually falling towards the negative emotions, this situation means that I will cry at almost anything, get stressed overly easily, and be unable to cope around people at all.

In situation number three I revert to normal for a short length of time. I can experience happiness again, although mostly I'm neutral in mood. It's like a mild form of neutrality. At times I do experience sudden bursts of happiness, but these are rare.

During my depression stages I also get panic attacks. This is like a bridge that signals I'm falling into depression, and warns me that I need to pull up my socks.

So I'm not sure what my question or problem is, but being neutral all the time is frustrating. I don't think I would be so disheartened about this situation but the moment I accept how I don't feel, something changes. And I know I wasn't always in this neutral state as a default but I can't get out of it.

[TomBeasley]

Try to draw on the positives.

The fact that you can experience anxiety as to your emotional state tells me that you aren't entirely neutral and shows that you are feeling /something/ in these situations.

A way that you could possibly fight out of this near neutrality is by remembering a time of your life where your happy emotions were very strong. Managing to experience this happiness again should be enough not to feel as neutral as you previously were.

[Evil Inclination]

This happens to me two, but I usually resort to anger, Tom's advice is good though.

[tarling4]

If any of this ever worries you, go see a doctor. I did 2 years ago, and I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (also called Manic Depression. (the feeling you describe as neutral could be subconscious depression)). Its not amazingly common, but its worth being checked if you're not sure whats up.
I hope this kinda helps, and I'm more than happy to help anyone with problems with Anger and Depression (the two main "poles" that Bipolar Dis. effects) as I've had 2 years of courses of dealing with it!

Sam.

[Mikey]

I wish I knew who this was, because I doubt he's still here to read what I have to say, it doesn't quite seem worth it if he's not.

Of course he could be a she, I apologise if you are.