I think I might have some problems

[damselindistress]

Sometimes I think I am normal and sometimes I don't.

I'm not going to go into detail about it, but I had a really bad childhood. There was a lot of physical and emotional abuse during it and because of that I act weird sometimes and do things that other people don't understand. It's not that weird for me to freak out about something that happened to me in childhood because something in real life triggered a memory and for me to have panic attacks and things or to suddenly shut down and be unresponsive and people always act like I'm the biggest weirdo in existence when it happens.

I'm so reserved for that reason. I can't be honest about my emotional struggles because they are "weird" to people, so I tend to act reserved and distant and shun social contact.

Lately, though, I have this problem and I'm not sure even I understand it myself.

I'm very anti-social. I like talking on forums and talking to my fiance on the phone and hanging out with my family, but everything else I hate. I hate going on MSN. I hate talking on the phone to other people who aren't my fiance. I hate hanging out with people in real life. A few opportunities presented themselves to do those things and I just didn't want to do it at all. I had zero desire, too.

I'm upsetting my best friend for being this way. We have a private forum that we talk on, but it's just not enough to her. I don't know how to show her I care and make her feel happy because doing everything except talking to her on that forum makes me miserable. I know it doesn't make sense to her. It doesn't fully make sense to me. I don't hate her in any way. I trust her more than anyone and my heart keeps hurting because I know I'm losing her, but I feel like I can't change the fact that I am repulsed by MSN and the phone and hanging out in person.

[TomBeasley]

I this repulsion comes from trauma sustained during childhood, then there isn't much you can do except wait and hope that you eventually get over it. This friend will have to grab what contact they can with you and simply stick by you and help you through this difficult time.

[Shakti]

Abuse is horrible, especially the flash back type things you're mentioning. When that happens, try and listening to music, or read. Anything to take your mind off it. I find it really helps. The fact that you are posting about it is a good thing, because bottling up stuff like that just doesn't work. And I should know. You're friend won't leave you if they are the good friend they sound like. That's what friends do, they stay through the good and the bad times.

[darthvader1]

Not only you, everyone have problem so don't worry a lot. Yes I know what happened to was very bad and it will keep haunting you. Try to some counseling.

[mandora]

Misunderstanding happens a lot between people who are very close and anything gets too much it will create problems.

[teezma]

I think this is a common problem for everyone. Even sometimes I face to the same situation.